She sat frozen after another event. The only sensory perception available was auditory. She could hear the pleading. “Please remember”. “I can keep you if you remember.” “We can be together.” “You can help me.”
There was no comprehension. What was she being asked? There was only bewilderment and ignorance. Something was a stake. Some were wagering against her. She lived in constant fear. She perceived that this was a fight for life and trembled.
They allowed him to try. However, they also mocked his attempts. Psychological manipulation, exploitation, and persistent denial was their arsenal. They were certain of their triumph.
The betrayal was so deep-rooted, no use of words could make her acknowledge the truth. Notably, she could not live with the reality of what had been done. She was helpless to the remolding of her behavior. They were the oppressors. They were in control.
Maybe if she had been older, and able to comprehend. She will always be grateful for his persistence, and his desire to do what was right.
Looking back, this was an opportunity for deliverance, but she was not ready. In her immaturity, she thought she still had a chance to be loved. She chose to protect them. She gave them another opportunity. Maybe this time, they would do what was right.
She took the risk and lost. They never changed. Her mercy was considered foolishness. Their selfishness ripped her apart. A fraction of her stayed behind. She grieved it for years even though she could not name the reason.
She is older now. She is cognizance of the missing fragment. Her heart breaks at knowing she granted grace to the underserving.
She wonders if the Lord ever feels the same way. Does he cry after granting grace? Does he look at the fraction that’s missing in pain? Does he wonder if anyone considers the cost of such grace?
For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whomever believes in him, shall not perish, but have eternal life; John 3:16.
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