Dissociation has been part of her identity since early childhood. She was never able to see it as a behavior. It was just a fact of being who she was. When unable to tolerate life’s threating behaviors, highly emotional stress events, or physical harm, she would dissociate.
So, you may ask what is dissociation. Dissociation is when you separate the part of you that keeps up with your daily tasks from the painful or fearful emotions and memories.[1] It reveals itself when the mind is foggy, or one has difficulty concentrating. It also brings up numbness or feelings of being cut off.[2] In extreme situations there are lapses in memory or lost time.[3]
She always thought it was common for others to forget years of their childhood, early school days, graduations, and friends. It seemed odd when she heard others speaking about childhood events as if they were happening at that moment. She thought they must have brilliant minds to remember such details. The fact was, they have never dissociated.
She was 42 when her body began to remember, what her mind had chosen to forget. It was so confusing and horrendous. Most of the time, it felt like she was watching a movie. Except when her body began to relive the events.
She will always be grateful for his patience; Isaiah 26:3. She praises him daily for his compassion and goodness toward her; Psalm 103:8-13. She specifically gives thanks for his great love for even though it was impossible for her to believe, he took the role of Father.
When she was prepared, he revealed the truth; Luke 8:17. To this day, she continually gives him praise for her ability to dissociate. For if she had not been able to use this defense mechanism, she would have never survived the battle.
For those who knew her: When she was present she will remember you. If she was dissociated; Please introduce yourself and remind her where you met.
P.S. If you see her looking dazed, let her know she is safe.
[1] Schwartz, Arielle. The Complex PTSD Workbook. California: Althea Press, 2016.
[2] Schwartz, “The Complex PTSD Workbook,” 74.
[3] Schwartz, “The Complex PTSD Workbook,” 74.
[4] What is dissociation? Type Causes and Symptoms. Accessed on July 16th, 2025.
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